It is now official Mr Alan Carr cannot cook!
Mr Alan Carr has just made the worst apple crumble on earth which he has thrown away but not in the bin as he was sure that the bin would spit it out. Alan Carr is not known for his cooking and I think that he needs some lessons, he tweeted tonight about the disaster and also a Banoffee pie where a friend nearly lost a crown. Note to self if he ever invites me for dinner, DECLINE!
Here you go Alan just for you
For the crumble
- 35 g rolled oats
- 35 g wholemeal flour
- 20 g caster sugar
- 35 g margarine or butter
For the filling
- 400 g cooking apples, peeled, cored and quartered
- 50 g sugar, to sweeten
- 1 tablespoon water
Preheat the oven to 190°C/375°F/gas 5. Peel and core the apples, quarter and cut in to chunks.
Put the apples into a pan with the sugar and water. Cook over a low heat for 5 minutes and place in a small ovenproof dish.
Place the flour and oats in a bowl and mix well. Cut the margarine or butter into small cubes and add this to the oats and flour. Mix with your fingertips until it resembles an even crumb texture. Add the sugar and mix through.
Cover the fruit with the crumble mixture. Bake for approximately 20 minutes until the crumble is golden and the apple hot.
- For the base:
- 100g butter, melted
- 250g digestive biscuits, crushed
- For the caramel:
- 100g butter
- 100g dark brown soft sugar
- 397g can Carnation Condensed Milk
- For the top:
- 4 small bananas
- 300ml carton whipping cream, lightly whipped
- grated chocolate
You will also need…
20cm loose-bottomed cake tin, greased
- Tip the biscuit crumbs into a bowl. Add the butter and mix in. Spoon the crumbs into the base and about halfway up the sides of the tin to make a pie shell. Chill for 10 minutes.
Melt the butter and sugar into a non-stick saucepan over a low heat, stirring all the time until the sugar has dissolved. Add the condensed milk and bring to a rapid boil for about a minute, stirring all the time for a thick golden caramel. Spread the caramel over the base, cool and then chill for about 1 hour, until firm or until ready to serve.
3. Carefully lift the pie from the tin and place on a serving plate. Slice the bananas; fold half of them into the softly whipped cream and spoon over the base. Decorate with the remaining bananas and finish with the grated chocolate.
Justin Timerlake and Chatty Man celebrate 100 shows
Alan Carr was celebrating 100 shows and Justin Timbersnake shared his new film and his love of scones bless him, and he even understands the etiquette of scone construction in what comes first the jam or the cream.
A cream tea from the south west consists of little more than freshly baked scones, fruity jam, clotted cream and a pot of tea.
Clotted cream originates in the south west and is a silky, yellow cream with a distinctive crust on the surface. It is made by heating unpasteurized cow’s milk which then is left in a shallow pan for many hours which causes the cream to rise to the surface and ‘clot’.
Arguments abound between Devon and Cornwall as to the true home of the “Cream Tea”. The differences between the two teas are subtle, look carefully and you will see the content remains the same the content remains the same, simply scones, jam and cream. However, it is the order these are assembled that makes the difference, Devon scone is cream on the scone then jam; in Cornwall, jam first followed by the cream. Simple as that.
- 350g self-raising flour, plus more for dusting
- ¼ tsp salt
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 85g butter, cut into cubes
- 3 tbsp caster sugar
- 175ml milk
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- squeeze lemon juice (see Know-how below)
- beaten egg, to glaze
- jam and clotted cream, to serve
- Heat oven to 220C/fan 200C/gas 7. Tip the flour into a large bowl with the salt and baking powder, then mix. Add the butter, then rub in with your fingers until the mix looks like fine crumbs. Stir in the sugar.
- Put the milk into a jug and heat in the microwave for about 30 secs until warm, but not hot. Add the vanilla and lemon juice, then set aside for a moment. Put a baking sheet in the oven.
- Make a well in the dry mix, then add the liquid and combine it quickly with a cutlery knife – it will seem pretty wet at first. Scatter some flour onto the work surface and tip the dough out. Dredge the dough and your hands with a little more flour, then fold the dough over 2-3 times until it’s a little smoother. Pat into a round about 4cm deep.
- Take a 5cm cutter (smooth-edged cutters tend to cut more cleanly, giving a better rise) and dip it into some flour. Plunge into the dough, then repeat until you have four scones. By this point you’ll probably need to press what’s left of the dough back into a round to cut out another four. Brush the tops with beaten egg, then carefully place onto the hot baking tray.
- Bake for 10 mins until risen and golden on the top. Eat just warm or cold on the day of baking, generously topped with jam and clotted cream. If freezing, freeze once cool. Defrost, then put in a low oven (about 160C/fan140C/gas 3) for a few mins to refresh.
A simple recipe for soft and fluffy scones that are perfect with jam and plenty of clotted cream.
Paul Hollywood King of baking
- 500g/1lb 1oz strong white flour, plus a little extra for rolling out
- 80g/3oz softened butter, plus a little extra to grease the baking tray
- 80g/3oz caster sugar
- 2 free-range eggs
- 5 tsp baking powder
- 250ml/8½fl oz milk
- 1 free-range egg, beaten with a little salt (for glazing)
- To serve
- good-quality strawberry or raspberry jam
- clotted cream
- Preheat the oven to 220C (200C fan assisted)/425F/Gas 7.
- Lightly grease a baking tray with butter and line it with baking or silicone paper (not greaseproof).
- Put 450g/15½oz of the flour into a large bowl and add the butter. Rub the flour and butter together with your fingers to create a breadcrumb-like mixture.
- Add the sugar, eggs and baking powder and use a wooden spoon to turn the mixture gently. Make sure you mix all the way down to the bottom and incorporate all of the ingredients.
- Now add half of the milk and keep turning the mixture gently with the spoon to combine. Then add the remaining milk a little at a time and bring everything together to form a very soft, wet dough. (You may not need to add all of the milk.)
- Sprinkle most of the remaining flour onto a clean work surface. Tip the soft dough out onto the work surface and sprinkle the rest of the flour on top. The mixture will be wet and sticky.
- Use your hands to fold the dough in half, then turn the dough 90 degrees and repeat. By folding and turning the mixture in this way (called ‘chaffing’), you incorporate the last of the flour and add air. Do this a few times until you’ve formed a smooth dough. If the mixture becomes too sticky use some extra flour to coat the mixture or your hands to make it more manageable. Be careful not to overwork your dough.
- Next roll the dough out: sprinkle flour onto the work surface and the top of the dough, then use the rolling pin to roll up from the middle and then down from the middle. Turn the dough by 90 degrees and continue to roll until it’s about 2.5cm/1in thick. ‘Relax’ the dough slightly by lifting the edges and allowing the dough to drop back onto the work surface.
- Using a pastry cutter, stamp out rounds from the pastry and place them onto the baking tray. Dip the edge of the pastry cutter in flour to make it easier to cut out the scones without them sticking. Don’t twist the cutter – just press firmly, then lift it up and push the dough out.
- Once you’ve cut 4 or 5 rounds you can re-work and re-roll the dough to make it easier to cut out the remaining rounds. Any leftover dough can be worked and rolled again, but the resulting scones won’t be as fluffy.
- Place the scones on the baking tray and leave them to rest for a few minutes to let the baking powder work. Then use a pastry brush (or your finger if you don’t have a brush) to glaze them with the beaten egg and salt mixture. Be careful to keep the glaze on the top of the scones. (If it runs down the sides it will stop them rising evenly.)
- Bake the scones in the middle of the oven for 15 minutes, or until the scones are risen and golden-brown.
- Leave the scones to cool, then split in half and add butter, jam and clotted cream to serve.
Alan Carr has had his portrait created by cereal, yes I said cereal he tweeted “How amazing” it was and you can check it out on You-tube. Asked by Nathan Wyburn from Cardiff what he would like his portrait made in one of the things Alan said was “Dog Pooh”. Don’t think he meant it though!
Alan Carr filling Jennifer’s glass with a bit of fizz.
I know this is not a dish but it is certainly a tasty drink, here are some recipes to have a go with. Alan likes his drink! and loves a mojito
Posted on his twitter
Mojito number 1
- 1½ limes, cut into wedges
- 20 fresh mint leaves
- 2½ tsp granulated sugar
- handful ice
- 65ml/2½fl oz white rum
- splash soda water, to taste
- fresh mint sprig, to garnish
- Place the limes, mint and sugar into a sturdy highball glass and ‘muddle’ or mash with the end of a clean rolling pin, to bruise the mint and release the lime juice.
- Add the ice and pour over the rum.
- Add soda water to taste and stir well. Garnish with a mint sprig and serve.
Mojito number 2
- 8 fresh mint leaves
- 2 wedges fresh lime
- 2 tsp agave syrup find it at Tesco £2.49 (Agave nectar is a sweetener commercially produced from several species of agave, including Agave tequilana and Agave salmiana. Agave nectar is sweeter than honey and tends to be less viscous. Most agave nectar comes from Mexico and South Africa.)
- 25ml/1fl oz golden rum
- sparkling water, to top up
- fresh mint sprig, to garnish
- Place the mint leaves, lime wedges and agave syrup into a cocktail shaker and crush with the end of a rolling pin.
- Add the golden rum and a handful of ice and shake hard.
- Strain the cocktail into a highball glass, top with sparkling water and garnish with the mint sprig.